A Selfish Me!

Well for those that know me (or read my blog) lol know that Carlos has been sick. He was in the hospital for a full week then had to go back for a day cause he got sick. I have been with him and having been helping him through this. He's my husband and I care and love him deeply. I vowed to God through sickness and health, right? RIGHT!

So then why do I feel mad at him? I know it's not anything he can help, he's sick. But I feel like I put so much time into caring for him that when I am not with him he expects me to be. When I try and talk to him he doesn't answer me. Then someone else will talk to him and he responds to them. He already told me he's pissed at me because I nag about taking his meds and making dr appts and stuff. But that really pisses me off because I care enough to take care of him, you'd think he would have enough respect to treat me with respect. Instead I basically feel crapped on! Srsly, I'm to the point that since it is such a freaking argument for me to ask him to take meds that if he takes them, then he takes them. If not, then he doesn't. I didn't get married to be a freaking widow in a year. I think that pisses me off the most and makes me resent him a bit. I hate to be so ugly and mean but I can only take so much. Then when his family calls, I have to pretend everything is all cool. I don't want to tell them that their brother is an ass and he takes his anger out on me for his sickness. I know they wouldn't think that but still...!

I pray to God a million times a day for different peoples issues or just to praise him for all he has done for everyone. But, why can't I get myself to pray to Him to make these feelings of anger I have go away. It's like I'm satisfied feeling mad. I think tonight I will pray for patience for myself.

Issues, I know! I don't mean to throw it out for all but i srsly needed to vent my feelings!