A Selfish Me!

Well for those that know me (or read my blog) lol know that Carlos has been sick. He was in the hospital for a full week then had to go back for a day cause he got sick. I have been with him and having been helping him through this. He's my husband and I care and love him deeply. I vowed to God through sickness and health, right? RIGHT!

So then why do I feel mad at him? I know it's not anything he can help, he's sick. But I feel like I put so much time into caring for him that when I am not with him he expects me to be. When I try and talk to him he doesn't answer me. Then someone else will talk to him and he responds to them. He already told me he's pissed at me because I nag about taking his meds and making dr appts and stuff. But that really pisses me off because I care enough to take care of him, you'd think he would have enough respect to treat me with respect. Instead I basically feel crapped on! Srsly, I'm to the point that since it is such a freaking argument for me to ask him to take meds that if he takes them, then he takes them. If not, then he doesn't. I didn't get married to be a freaking widow in a year. I think that pisses me off the most and makes me resent him a bit. I hate to be so ugly and mean but I can only take so much. Then when his family calls, I have to pretend everything is all cool. I don't want to tell them that their brother is an ass and he takes his anger out on me for his sickness. I know they wouldn't think that but still...!

I pray to God a million times a day for different peoples issues or just to praise him for all he has done for everyone. But, why can't I get myself to pray to Him to make these feelings of anger I have go away. It's like I'm satisfied feeling mad. I think tonight I will pray for patience for myself.

Issues, I know! I don't mean to throw it out for all but i srsly needed to vent my feelings!

End of Year Update

Wow so much has happened this latter part of the year. My husband, Carlos, has been experiencing a lot of pain in his abdomen. He is a hard headed mexican and doesn't believe in going to the Dr. for anything. He says they are quacks. lol But the pain got to where he couldn't stand it any longer. So we had to take him to the ER. They weren't too sure what was causing the pain so they sent him home with pain meds., and told us if the pain persisted that we should take him back on Monday, this was all on a Friday night. So, long story short, we take him Monday and they have to transfer him by ambulance to Austin. This was December 15th. he stayed until December 19th in the hospital diagnosed with: an Ulcer (his pain), hypertension, diabetes, and cirrhosis of the liver. Thankfully the pain was just an ulcer because they were thinking it might be cancer. Talk about being scared as heck. So on the 19th I got to bring him home!

On the way home from the hospital I get freaking pulled over! drama! My license plate sticker was out since October. I know, I'm such a procrastinator. What's worse is that i have the money to pay it and the insurance but I'm too lazy to get it done. lol Loser! i know! But i just bought my sticker and got my inspection as well (yeah that was out too). LOL

Fast forward to Christmas. All my family came over on Christmas Eve. Carlos thought he was catching a cold so he didn't feel to well. But we had a nice time. All my cousins, and aunts and uncles came over. We hadn't all been together in a long time. Everyone got good gifts and had lots of fun. Then Christmas morning is here and Carlos and I WOKE the kids up and opened gifts. He said he was still feeling bad and went back to sleep. He woke up a couple of times and ate but then he went back to sleep. So we went on with our day and then i went to bed about 1am. I awoke at 4am and he was peeing on our floor. Weird I know. I tried to tell him he wasn't in the bathroom but he got mad at me and started yelling. His words were so slurred I couldn't understand a word he was saying. I tried to take him to the bathroom but he didn't know where we were. He couldn't even lift his arms to turn off the light or stand up straight. It was scary. I layed back down and so did he. He was still so groggy and snoring hard core. then he gets up and starts to pee in the room again. I jumped up and tried to take him to the bathroom. He said he didn't know where i was trying to take him. I got on my laptop and looked up stroke. These were all signs of a mini stroke. Damn, I really freaked out. I went and woke up my 14 yr old son. He jumped up and took one look at Carlos and told me to call the EMS. So I did. They were here in like 2min. They evaluated him and thought he was having a stroke too. They got him to hospital and they start working on him right away. Taking blood, CAT scan and MRI. Laurie, my bff, took me to hospital so I didn't have to drive. His sisters and bro in law showed up to meet me at hospital. Long story short, his ammonia built up in his body and started to affect his brain. Every 2 hours they gave him Lactolose. This adheres to the ammonia and releases removes it from your body. All of this was at 4:30am and he was discharged from the hospital at 3pm.

He was on vacation from work from Christmas to after the New Year. He isn't back to "normal". He still speaks slow and walks slow. I think this set him back a lot. He feels different now. He had already quit drinking and smoking a week before he got the pains really bad. He has a Dr. appt with the liver specialist on Tuesday the 6th. This is something I will make sure he does often. Everyone says this is the beginning of the end for him. But, we won't settle for that! We have a God that is bigger than that so we won't settle for the worlds beliefs.

Today is the 3rd and he isn't feeling well at all. He is very sleepy again and kind of uncoordinated. I gave him a double dose of his lactulose I'm praying to God he heals him!

I'll try and update my blog more and give updates so everyone knows what is going on. I also up date on Twitter/amyr as well.