A Selfish Me!

Well for those that know me (or read my blog) lol know that Carlos has been sick. He was in the hospital for a full week then had to go back for a day cause he got sick. I have been with him and having been helping him through this. He's my husband and I care and love him deeply. I vowed to God through sickness and health, right? RIGHT!

So then why do I feel mad at him? I know it's not anything he can help, he's sick. But I feel like I put so much time into caring for him that when I am not with him he expects me to be. When I try and talk to him he doesn't answer me. Then someone else will talk to him and he responds to them. He already told me he's pissed at me because I nag about taking his meds and making dr appts and stuff. But that really pisses me off because I care enough to take care of him, you'd think he would have enough respect to treat me with respect. Instead I basically feel crapped on! Srsly, I'm to the point that since it is such a freaking argument for me to ask him to take meds that if he takes them, then he takes them. If not, then he doesn't. I didn't get married to be a freaking widow in a year. I think that pisses me off the most and makes me resent him a bit. I hate to be so ugly and mean but I can only take so much. Then when his family calls, I have to pretend everything is all cool. I don't want to tell them that their brother is an ass and he takes his anger out on me for his sickness. I know they wouldn't think that but still...!

I pray to God a million times a day for different peoples issues or just to praise him for all he has done for everyone. But, why can't I get myself to pray to Him to make these feelings of anger I have go away. It's like I'm satisfied feeling mad. I think tonight I will pray for patience for myself.

Issues, I know! I don't mean to throw it out for all but i srsly needed to vent my feelings!

Carlos hospital pic!

Poor Carlos! He is sooo bored here in the hospital. He wants to go home already, but they have said maybe tomorrow. He is pain free (a 3 on a scale of 1-10) so he is sick of laying in bed. He is also a on clear liquid diet only which he hates. lol He's not as grouchy as I thought he'd be here, but he is becoming impatient!

My mom has all my kids. She is staying at my house with them. They hate it cause she is making them clean! hehe But they love it cause she is cooking and baking away!

Thanks to everyone for all the prayers and well wishes! We love you all and I'll let you know when we go home!

Peace Out!

1 down, 3 to go?

So I have 4 girls. My oldest is Alicia. She is now 17 years old. She is really cute and very personable. I did not allow her to date in my presence. I know she had "boyfriends" at school, but to let me meet one, Oh Hell No! But now she is ALMOST an adult. So I allow for her boyfriend to come over and they go out. He is a really nice kid. Very respectful and always willing to do anything for us. Go to the store... "Yes, Ma'am!" Do you need money? " Nope, I have it" See he's really good. Almost too good! LOL

I just have this gut feeling that when Alicia turns 18, on May 29th, that she'll want to move outta my house and put off college to move in with this boy, who is 18 now. This really scares me. Like seriously, so I have stopped letting him come over as much. I don't allow for him to buy anything for the kids or even Alicia. Sometimes, I hear her on the phone telling him like we're in Lockhart. I don't know where we are going. Or, we are passing so so place right now. That totally pisses me off! I always starting yelling while she is on the phone with him, that she's only needs to answer to me and she isn't married! But damn, that erks me BAD!

I tried to talk to her but she was like, "But Mom I love him" Damn, I could have slapped her! I was calm and explained how she didn't realize it was puppy love. LOL Yeah, she wanted to slap me back! I hope she still goes to college and pursues her dreams of an education and a good job. Not a dream of living with a boy and having a family at 18. Maybe I'm so scared she'll make my mistakes, but I just want what's best for her. After all, I am the Drama Momma!